Heineken Ad Can Be A Call To Action

The Heineken ad that portrays diametrically opposed individuals coming together around a common task (building a bar, of course) and ultimately having a beer, has stirred considerable controversy. Yes, it rosily suggests that we can begin to bridge some of our most painful divides (misogyny vs feminism, one-man-one-woman vs transgender right to be) simply by engaging in a project, sharing a few things about ourselves and, listening to one another.

 

Granted, none of these are bad things, and stranger things have happened than individuals becoming friendly without realizing they hold very different views and values. The push back comes when the ease with which it happens seems to minimize the significance of the differences or the pain that they have caused.

 

So ok, let’s give Heineken a thumbs up for the attempt. But let’s also get honest about what it takes to really create constructive dialogue among people who hold fundamentally and profoundly different world-views.

 

Here are a few tips for anyone who really wants to try it:

• State a purpose: We’re just here to learn from and about each other, not change anyone’s mind
• Suggest an overarching shared concern: We all want to be part of a democratic society in which people can engage in civil dialogue even when they disagree
• Suggest some ground rules:
• Take turns talking without interruption
• Ask questions if there’s something you don’t understand
• Be honest, authentic, speaking just for yourself
• If you’re uncomfortable, just say ‘pass’
• Get guidance and structure from a skilled facilitator if possible

 

For more tips, approaches and skills to learn see The Power of Difference, From Conflict to Collaboration in Five Steps, by Dana Morris-Jones, available on Amazon.com

Whether working in an organization of 10 or 10,000, most of us have encountered environments that do little to minimize the impact of poorly managed conflict, often resulting in poor morale and lost productivity. How is it possible to create organizational cultures that promote collaboration instead of destructive conflict?

 

In his blog for the Environmental Dispute Resolution Program, Dan Adams offers us some principles that ‘support effective conflict resolution and collaborative problem solving’. It’s easy to agree that applying the four principles – 1) Offer validation and Respect, 2) Be vulnerable and authentic, 3) Be proactive instead of Reactive and 4) Ensure participation and engagement vertically and horizontally – will help. But why and how do these measures work and are they enough? And how can we actually get people to behave this way?

 

The Importance of Organizational Culture

In my book, The Power of Difference; From Conflict to Collaboration in Five Steps, I’ve spelled out a specific approach and set of skills that help organizations to create cultures in which everyone is enabled to resolve differences constructively. Several broad elements of organizational culture not only create the conditions for collaboration but also contribute to the success of the enterprise. As discussed in chapter 4 (titled The Power of Purpose: Creating a Culture of Alignment), these include:

 

1. Clarity about and alignment with the overarching purpose, or mission, of the organization. This provides the ‘glue’ that holds everyone together and allows them to make short term sacrifices for the good of the longer, broader goal
2. An environment in which individuals are valued for their talents and are encouraged to challenge themselves, making mistakes an acceptable part of learning and development, i.e. a ‘no fear’ policy
3. People are frequently asked for input and are made to feel respected and validated, not belittled or irrelevant
4. Collaborative behavior – the ability to think broadly, listen to others and solve problems collectively – is rewarded, as opposed to competitive, overpowering behavior meant to dominate others

 

It’s easy to ask people to be vulnerable and authentic, respectful and validating, but if the environment they’re in neither encourages or rewards those behaviors, it’s unlikely that anything will change. That’s why creating the right culture is so important.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s Science To Back It Up

Fortunately, this is not just speculation or opinion. There is good social and biological science that give these ideas more heft.

1. Studies of human motivation have consistently found that there are universal needs that we humans share and are motivated to fulfill. Understanding these needs in the context of organizational life gives us many clues about why we behave the way we do. Knowing this is especially helpful when trying to resolve differences in constructive ways as we can use this information to identify and satisfy everyone’s interests.

 

2. Neuroscience is helping us to understand what goes on in our brains, especially when our emotions are aroused or we are experiencing a sense of being unsafe. In general, fear and other strongly felt emotions get in the way of the ability to employ the rational problem solving skills needed to resolve complex differences. It turns out that being listened to respectfully, having our ideas acknowledged and our feelings validated leads to decreased levels of emotional arousal, helping us to be better problem solvers

 

We are capable of resolving our differences and making our organizations successful, productive and pleasant places to be. We just need to apply what we know about ourselves and about organizations in general.

 

Read more about how to create real change in The Power of Difference: From Conflict to Collaboration in Five Steps, available from Amazon.com

 

 

 

Recently I had the pleasure of being interviewed on The Author Show! Take a listen and find out who I think my book will help and how!

The Author Show Interview Part 1

The Author Show Interview Part 2

The Author Show Interview Part 3

The Author Show Interview Part 4

New studies, reported in this article, confirm that there is a neurological pathway between imagination and patience. Lack of patience and impulsivity can get us in trouble when trying to resolve a conflict. For example, not feeling listened to can make an impatient person fly into a rage, never minding the likely negative consequence of that behavior.

 

On the other hand, being able to imagine the desired future outcome of the situation can increase one’s patience and ability to override the impulse that makes things go south. The classic example used in divorce mediation is to ask parents to imagine how they’d like things to be at their child’s wedding. Suddenly, they’re able to see the value of squashing their momentary urge to lash back in favor of a more measured approach.

 

In my book The Power of Difference; From Conflict to Collaboration in Five Steps, the idea of taking the long view – i.e. imagining a future outcome that is good for everyone – is a key ingredient to creating mutually satisfying solutions to complex organizational issues.   In one case, a young ambitious chef locks horns with the owner of the restaurant he works in over menus and employee policies. His initial impulse is to threaten to quit if he can’t get what he wants. By imagining a future in which he will make the restaurant wildly successful in a way that benefits everyone, he is able to work through the differences with the owner in a patient and rational way.

 

Can you think of other situations in which imaging the future can improve one’s ability to resolve a difference?

I recently read this article on LinkedIn titled “Consensus? No, Good Decisions Require Respectful Disagreement” which seems to suggest that ‘Consensus’ involves the absence of disagreement or the suppression of dissent. Nothing could be further from my understanding of Consensus. Indeed, many decision-makers seek only to hear from those who agree with them, but this is surefire way to a bad decision. And it’s not what is meant by reaching consensus.

 

In order to reach real consensus, i.e. a decision that everyone agrees to support, all views must be shared and understood. Only when those who will be affected by the decision have had the opportunity to be heard, have heard all other views, and have been party to the way in which the decision was reached, can they truly support the decision.

 

A decision reached by consensus is not necessarily, or even probably, everyone’s first choice. It’s the product of exchanging views, sharing information, discussion, debate and deliberation. In fact, when everyone agrees to something too quickly, it probably means people are self-censoring. The result may be a decision that is not representative of the best thinking and will not be broadly supported.

 

Yes, achieving consensus is time consuming, which is why not every decision calls for it. Effective leaders have the ability to facilitate the process as well as determine when the decision is important enough to justify the effort.

 

 

 

 

Divided America – How Do We Move Forward?

White police targeted in a rampage of shooting, multiple incidents of black Americans killed by police followed by high profile news reports and outcries of racism, growing tensions across the country about our racial and economic divide. Like all complex problems, the place we find ourselves in the horrible month of July 2016 in the USA, is almost impossible to untangle in terms of how we got here and what to do about it.  I would not venture into this tangle except for the sense of hopelessness that is seeming to pervade the commentary taking place and my own belief that we must find a way forward.

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Are Emotional Intelligence and Collaboration Becoming the Norm?

A few months ago the World Economic Forum released a report entitled ‘The Future of Jobs’, based on the polling of chief human resources officers at large employers across the globe.  One of the most interesting (to me) findings was that by 2020, more than one third of the desired core skill sets will be in social skill areas like emotional intelligence and collaboration.
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Filling the Leadership Gap

Many organizations are facing a ‘leadership gap’ created by the retirement of older boomer-generation executives coupled with a dearth of experienced managers to take their place. While there may be an abundance of relatively new and talented employees eager to rise, too few have the depth of experience needed to successfully step into management and leadership roles. How can a fast track to leadership be created that takes the place of years of seasoning?

Unfortunately, leadership development programs often fall short of delivering promised results, despite the best of intentions. There are several key ingredients to making these programs work to jump start careers.

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